 Discovering the Magic and Grandeur of Ordinary ExistenceTimothy Miller, Ph.D.
A creative, humorous and closely-reasoned explanation of how our desire for “more” causes us to suffer unnecessarily, and what to do about it. It’s framed as a self-help book of sorts, but the presentation of the idea and the examples he uses are brilliant. There are lots of newer book on this subject, but he is not only early but right on.
Enjoyment of life’s pleasures does not necessarily arise from the satisfaction of one’s desires, and “renunciation” of desire does not necessarily hinder profound enjoyment. He is not talking about renunciation quite with the meaning of nonattachment to desire. "Renunciation means giving up the idea that you are entitled to More; it means giving up the idea that not getting More is a catastrophe; it means giving up the idea that if you don't always get More, you have failed in some way; it means giving up the idea that getting More is so essential that it is okay to harm yourself or others in order to succeed."
Miller, a cognitive psychotherapist, offers as an explanation for the difficulty of living the evolutionary evidence that the yearning for more is built into our genetic construction:
So it is with humans. If, at any point in our evolutionary history, certain people developed an instinctive feeling that a modest amount of wealth, status, and love was enough, the genes that produce that instinctive feeling would've gradually disappeared from the gene pool. We are all the descendants of many thousands of generations of people who were instinctively driven to keep striving for more wealth, more status, and more love throughout their lifetimes, regardless of how much they had already achieved. You and I and every other person alive today have inherited those instincts.
The great problem modern humans must come to terms with is that all people instinctively desired limitless wealth, love, and status. These desires are particularly insidious because people are unaware of wanting limitless wealth, love, and status. They just want to do what comes naturally -- which is to get just a little more wealth or little more love or maybe just a bit more status -- on the assumption that satisfaction is just around the corner. (p. 76.)
Therefore, we need to apply brain and will to the problem:
There are people who regard obsession with wealth and status as a cultural disease spread by males, heterosexuals, Caucasians, or Judeo-Christians. They point to Native Americans, for example, as people who lived in noncompetitive, peaceful, non-hierarchical societies, where wealth didn't count for much. However if you take a closer look at any traditional society, you will find many instances of competition for desirable mates and status, cheating and moral outrage, and sexual jealousy. They competed for wealth, status, and love just as vigorously as people in industrialized societies. It's less obvious because they often did it in ways unfamiliar to us.
What’s to be done about instinct? It isn't safe to assume that religion, self-improvement, psychotherapy, or spirituality will help. If your thoughts and feelings are dominated by the desire for More, they will probably contaminate whatever psychological, religious, or spiritual methods might interest you. Whether you speculate on the commodities market, exercise and take vitamins, work hard at physical labor, bet on the horses, pray to God, communicate with "Seth" or the "Michael Entity" through the intercession of a channel, cast the I Ching, study the Bible for clues to future events, free associate to your dreams, take an EST seminar, or practice Zen meditation, it is quite possible that you are searching unwittingly for some new advantage in endless competition for wealth, status, and love that is driven by the instinctive desire for reproductive success. Even if some of these methods benefit you in certain ways it is likely that in the end you will find yourself back at square one again with new desires. Your best hope is to spit in instinct’s eye. Your best hope is to renew your intention to want what you have every day for the rest of your life. (p.79)
Miller suggests that in every instance, conscious Compassion, Attention, and Gratitude are the solution. He doesn’t try to downplay the difficulties involved in this effort, but he lays out the steps using the easy-to-understand approach of cognitive therapy backed up with explanations and examples.
Although I don’t agree with all his conclusions, one of the things I like most about this book is his uncompromising and objective approach, always leavened with wit. His suggestions about how to implement Compassion, Attention, and Gratitude can form a practice, or can be a supplement to any other effort to develop. He has also written a workbook of the same name which I have not read. Both books appear to be currently out of print, but you can find them used.
Log in or Subscribe to Membership Community to discuss this article in the Forum...
|
Meaning & Purpose 
